__________________________________________________
I am typically an ‘open book’. Generally speaking it doesn’t take any special discernment skills to determine what I’m thinking in most any situation. My life, my communications, my blog, my general demeanor all tend to betray my attitudes and feelings. This transparency has caused me much consternation in my life. I have been placed under church discipline, excommunicated, castigated, chastised, falsely accused all based on the fact that my feelings, my concerns have been exposed rather than veiled. In spite of all that I still choose to live in a glass house. Why? Because I refuse to be insincere. I refuse to be the person whose life is so un-genuine that no one believes I’m real. We’ve all met those people who obviously don’t live on the same planet as we do. I’m not one of those people. I don’t want to be one of those people. I can’t be one of those people.
However……..
Recently I have been advised, on numerous occasions, that there are certain things that I just shouldn’t blog. Why not? If my life is up-side-down out of control, why should my blog not reveal that? If my heart is hurting, why should my blog not expose that? If my family is in a genuine struggle, why should we feign that we are the pillar of faith that we aren’t? Is it wrong, or simply ‘unspiritual’, for a person to be unashamedly honest with their feelings?
Why should a blog only include those feelings and attitudes which are positive and never the deep heart pains of the blogger?
__________________________________________________
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
8 comments:
1. I agree with you.
2. I have "friends" who agree with your "friends".
3. 4 years ago I made a conscious decision to get real. The life of lies, fraud, and deceit was so ingrained in me that it has been a long, hard process. God is not done with me in this area yet. But I have come a long, long ways.
4. I have discovered that the more honest I get, the more of my friends just sorta fade out of my life. When you choose to get real and honest with yourself, many people will not know how to handle it. I came up with the following quote.
5. "When you get real and honest you will have fewer friends but the friends you have will be truer friends."
"If all men knew what each said of the other, there would not be four friends in the world." Blaise Pascal (1623 - 1662)
I agree with you too, Bro. I guess my only caution is that you are careful to only share YOUR stuff and not someone else's stuff. I suppose that goes without saying. Sometimes, though, in our honesty we inadvertently share things about, say, our spouse that our spouse may prefer to keep private. Sometimes that can be a fine line.
Please know that I am NOT referring to anything I’ve seen you post. My caution is just as much directed to me as it is to you. There have been some TRUE things I have said about others that were simply not things I should have said. It is not that the things weren’t true, but just that it probably wasn’t my place to share them. I need to respect the privacy of others, even if my opinion is that those others should be more open people. I need to let them be where they are on their journey and let them grow. That’s not easy for me. I get impatient with others and want to drag them along on their journey rather than let them travel it at their own pace. Again, from what I’ve read in your posts, I think you have not crossed the line in the TMI category. I thoroughly enjoy your honest and open musings about yourself and your life. Do people ever say to you, “I find your honesty refreshing”? It seems to me that at the core we all long to be real and genuine with each other.
Being genuine, honest and open is dangerous to some people. At the end of the day, though, I think it is the way we all really want to live. Keep it up, Bro. You are a great blogger!
I try to be open too – at the same time I think 'open dialog' is an illusion or a lie – but I still try to be somewhat of an open book – but there are pages seldom seen – especially those pages in the appendix.
For instance: If all men knew what each thought of the other, there would not be a concept for the word 'friend'...that was dangerously open, a suicidal thing to say, if I didn’t believe it to be true of ‘all men’ I wouldn’t have said it.
"Why should a blog only include those feelings and attitudes which are positive and never the deep heart pains of the blogger?"
because people dont want to know the heart pains of others. if they are privy to the heart pains of others, then they have to choose btw caring or rejection. and people dont want to care, but neither do they want to be accused of rejecting someone, so they would just rather not know.
my theory, it might be wrong.
I think you're on to something, jm. I also think that it's not 'loving your neighbor as yourself'. But then, as you said, people don't want to have to choose whether to care or not, they'd just rather not know.
However, my philosophy is this...if a person doesn't like what they read here, they're under no obligation to read it, right? If they think I'm just a negative, sadistic pessimist, they haven't spent enough time around here. Contrariwise, if they think I'm all clouds, bubbles and jubilant praises they also haven't been around here long enough.
I guess the moral is this, I'm real; and I'm probably going to use this forum as an opportunity to be authentic.
Good thoughts, both in the post and in the comments. I think your blog should be just what you want it to be--after all, it's yours. I agree with DP that you must be careful with others' confidences, but your own thoughts and feelings are yours to share as you wish.
I tend to agree with jm, though, that most people really don't want to know. I've certainly found that out in my own life. (When you offer a polite "How are you?" and get a real answer, it's quite disconcerting. ;)) Even if others do care, they don't have solutions, so it makes them uncomfortable to hear your problems. That's probably why you have gotten the feedback you have--they are happier not knowing your turmoil. I value transparency highly, but I have quit opening up to anyone/everyone about my struggles just for that reason.
On the other hand, a blog is purely optional, as you said. They don't have to read it, so write away! :)
I can understand a little what you are going through--being raised a Methodist and then marrying and becoming a member of a conservative church--I went through many feelings and misunderstandings. My folks were always supported me in my decision and weren't ashamed to shop with me with my covering on--that was a big plus. But there were some at WF who thought that my husband had married a "harlot" because I had short hair and my dress was just to my knees. Thankfully I was able to prove them wrong and now am accepted as a minister's wife and helpmate. I have never regreated my decision to marry my "best friend" and become a DB--sometimes I forget that I was ever a Methodist!!
May God bless you and your family at this difficult time. Remember that God never gives us more than we can handle! Our prayers are with you and your family. Loved the picture of your dad.
Post a Comment