Washed

__________________________________________________
As I was sitting in a restaurant waiting for my comrade to show up last night I felt the urge to pick up my Bible and read. Being the ever skeptical one, I resisted making all sorts of excuses. First I argued that I didn't want to appear 'hyper-spiritual' to the fellow patrons, when I knew I was feeling anything but spiritual. The urge wouldn't subside that easy, though. Secondly I argued that I was simply being sensational and hoping for a 'quick fix'. Still the urge was strong to pick up the Book and read the first thing my eyes fell on. Back and forth the argument went in my mind. Finally I concluded that I had nothing to lose.

Upon picking up and opening up my Bible I noticed I was in the book of Psalms (naturally, since Psalms is in the middle of the book). The argument presented itself to my heart to go elsewhere and find 'substance'. However my eyes fell on Psalm 65.

There will be silence before You,
and praise in Zion, O God,
and to You the vow will be performed

I connected with this verse, I was silent. My last several weeks, and specifically the last few days, have done nothing but reveal the depth of my depravity. I find myself having nothing at all to offer to Him except broken pieces and trash. I simply have had nothing to say to him. I have been silent before Him, out of necessity; yet I choose to praise Him and remain commited in my resolve to Him.

O You who hear prayer,
To You all men come.

This verse didn't really jump or dance before me, but it did reaffirm my knowledge of God's faithfulness to hear when we pray. This verse also told me that even though I'm silent before Him, if/when I do speak He will hear. Not only will He hear, but He's the only one to call on; I have nowhere else to go.

Iniquities prevail against me;
As for our transgressions, You forgive them.

Upon reading this verse, I melted. This verse was the exact feeling of my heart being expressed. Iniquities prevail against me. Prevail! Iniquities are overtaking me. I have felt overtaken, overpowered, overcome and powerless against the iniquities which I have become all too aware of in my life. I have even expressed this feeling to a few brothers (some of which understood and some of which didn't). Suddenly I find, in the scriptures, the exact feeling I have been living with, yet the finish on the verse deals with it. He has forgiven our transgressions! Hallelujah? HALLELUJAH!!! Iniquities overtake me, but God STILL forgives my transgressions. Suddenly I'm glad I opened the Book. I'm being 'washed by the water of the Word'. And then...

How blessed is the one whom
You choose and bring near to You
To dwell in Your courts.
We will be satisfied with the goodness of Your house,
Your holy temple

.....and then I realize that GOD is the who has chosen me! I am blessed because of His choice to choose me. Sure, I'm worthless, broken and empty, He chose me. Sure, I'm a sinner and a wretch, He chose me! Sure, I have nothing to offer Him, He chose me!!!
I am satisfied with the goodness of HIS house!!
__________________________________________________