The Difficult Nature of Grace

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As Christians we like to flatter ourselves with our ability to theologically understand why God extends grace to us. We also like to give lip-service to the fact that we can easily extend common grace to one another regardless of the violation. Grace isn’t as easy to ‘do’ as it is to ‘say’, however. By its very nature grace is difficult.

For the purpose of this conversation, grace is being defined as a freely given, unmerited favor, blessing or forgiveness, especially in the face of betrayal, rejection or violation. Conversely, mercy is understood as the discretionary power of a person to pardon someone rather than invoke punishment or consequence. Simply put, grace is receiving what is not deserved, i.e. forgiveness, while mercy is not receiving what is deserved, i.e. punishment. These two concepts are simultaneously complimentary and mutually independent.

Often as Christians we confuse mercy and grace thinking grace has been received or extended when in reality mercy is what has been exercised. Perhaps I strain too hard over minute differences, but I think the differences are significant. While I claim that grace is, by nature, a difficult spiritual exercise it seems that mercy requires less resolve to extend.

Consider this. Imagine yourself having been betrayed by a very close friend. This friend is one with which you have shared deep and difficult things. Many times you have withheld no information regarding personal struggles, fears, challenges and even sin. (You know where I’m going.) Now suppose that friend totally and completely betrays your confidence sharing many, if not all, of your secrets with another mutual acquaintance who is less than responsible to protect your integrity. This second friend feels responsible to place your name on as many prayer chains as possible in an attempt to assist you. Suddenly you find that nearly everyone in your social circle knows your deepest, darkest struggle, pain, fear and besetting sin. You have been violated! Once the issues of personal pride and desire to vindicate your reputation are resolved you are faced with a dilemma. How do you respond to these two friends?

My experience has shown (as both the violated and the violator) that mercy (the act of choosing to withhold punishment or consequence) comes with only little difficulty. It is not impossible to ‘do what Jesus would’ and choose to not require restitution. In our desire to be ‘conformed to the image of Christ’ we view our decision as the ‘high road’, especially in contrast to the base nature of the violation. We can actually become quite smug in our ability to ‘rise above’ the situation, inaccurately convincing ourselves that we have been gracious when in fact we have only been merciful, and barely at that!

Genuine grace is the ability to acknowledge the betrayal, acknowledge the pain it caused, acknowledge the desire for self-vindication and restitution yet still forgive and furthermore choose to remain in relationship with the violator! Consider this from a divine paradigm. While we were yet sinners God acknowledged our sin. God acknowledged our attitudes and actions were turned completely against Him. God acknowledged the pain it caused Him to watch us spit in the face of His will for our lives and turn our back on Him. Never once did God minimize the severity of our actions; He gave them full acknowledgment. Yet never once did He demand restitution, rather He offered the very thing required to bring us back into relationship with Himself! We received the one thing we didn’t deserve, relationship with God. Beyond that, we received the only thing that could have initiated that relationship, full payment for our grievances against Him. Further we received the single thing which could have made full payment for our violation of God’s standard; we received, as a pure act of grace from God, a sacrifice for our sin…while we were still acting in complete defiance! Grace, by nature, is never easy or cheap!!

Now consider grace from the opposite perspective. Imagine yourself in the shoes of one of the violating friends in the above scenario. After realizing the depth of betrayal and pain caused to this other friend you become aware that you have been the source of such emotional trauma. However, instead of becoming angry, bitter or demanding this friend not only forgives but also chooses to continue to pursue relationship with you. As you continue to apologize and attempt to repay the damage done you find that your friend has no hard feelings or desire for penance.

Your violation is not ignored, rather it is forgiven! The curious thing about human carnality is the fact that we don’t want to be forgiven. We want to purchase our relationship. Whether that relationship is human or divine, we want to feel like we have paid full price to receive it. When we clearly recognize our error toward another (whether toward God or toward another person) we automatically gravitate toward buying the relationship back from brokenness. Since our Father has already given that which is necessary for our relationship with Him there’s nothing left to accomplish. Similarly, since we have freely received grace (forgiveness and relationship) from God we should freely give grace to one another. However, when we realize that another person is giving us free grace our tendency is to refuse. We will exhibit a variety of reactions, not the least of which is continuing to address the violation, as we spit in the face of the grace given in an attempt to purchase the grace already given!

In conclusion, when I say grace is difficult by nature I’m not only referring to the giving of grace to one another but also to the receiving of grace from others, and ultimately from God. Our human tendency is to desire to work for everything we receive and to a greater degree our tendency is to require work (i.e. penance) from those who have violated us.

Let’s move forward from this point giving grace as freely as we have received it and receiving grace as freely as it is given, not to the point of recklessly ignoring sin, but openly acknowledging error, in ourselves or others, and yet choosing, by God’s grace, to move through the violation into greater relationship with one another and ultimately with the Father, Himself!
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